Saying Goodbye

I have served in my current context, Woodburn Baptist Church, for about 8 years. So... those who were in 5th grade when I arrived are now in college. Some who couldn't imagine retirement have hung up their work clothes for the last time. 

And due to the transitive nature of life in these days, I have said goodbye a lot. Several of our gifted, faithful, and effective worship leaders have moved on... a few to other churches, but most to other cities, states, and even countries. I miss Joshua, Nichole, Paul, Christina, Aaron, Josh, Dawn, Shelby, Bethany, and others.

It's one of the best, and hardest, parts of staying put.

I've learned a few things about saying goodbye that might encourage you as you do the same.

1) Do it on purpose. Plan the farewell. If they are indeed moving to a new city, or to a place of leadership within another church, commission them! We have included a laying on of hands and prayer at the conclusion of our worship gatherings when our worship leaders have moved on. This creates a memory for you, the person leaving, both families, and your church family.

2) Do it with understanding. The word "goodbye" is a contraction of old English phrase "God be with ye." Similarly, "farewell" is to "travel thee well." Both words are built-in blessings. In the Middle Ages, the first person would say farewell and the other would respond with goodbye. An even more old-fashioned word? When you say "Godspeed" you are wishing the one you speak over a God-prospered journey. Use these words. They bless the one leaving and the one sending.

3) Do it with time. A hand shake at the door of the church, or even an embrace, is not enough for someone you have invested in--and who surely has invested in you. Take the person to lunch, or better yet, invite them to your home. Bless each other. (more on that later) 

4) Do it with a future plan. The technology of the last few years has been a game changer. You can now text, call, email, FaceTime, Zoom, and follow each other on social media. If you became best of friends, keep in touch regularly. If the relationship was more professional and less personal, you are still doing ministry when you check in every few months. Sometimes I've done this well. Others, not so much. I cherish the former and regret the latter.

5) Do it with grace. This may go without being said, but Christ-followers are to be characterized by grace. Regardless of how the leaving is taking place, extend grace. Perhaps number two above isn't enough and you really could speak a blessing over them...

...Which brings me to my personally emotional conclusion. One of my closest friends of the last decade has just moved away. Far away. Before leaving, her whole family came to our home and we shared a meal. And s'mores. And then we blessed one another. Each person in her family of five spoke words of scripture, prayer, and song over us. And then through misty eyes I spoke encouragement into each of them. My friend even sang a song of blessing over my sweet bride. It was stunning. I'm struggling to find words beautiful enough to convey the experience. 

Transitions are an inevitable part of life. They are often the places where we have the most to lose. When it is time for someone to transition out of your life--or for you to be the one leaving--you will thank yourself if you will do it on purpose, with understanding, slowly, with a plan, and bathed in grace. You will be a blessing and you will be blessed.

Isn't that supposed to be the Christian journey anyway?