Relational Rehearsing and M*A*S*H?

I was talking with a good friend this morning, a young worship leader. I told him about leaving my first full-time church job--being asked to leave, that is--because I was stream rolling people rather than listening and valuing.

While I still see the young Rod poke out on occasion even now, my general disposition in ministry has changed dramatically. (So yes, there's hope!)

One of the ways I've learned to lead more relationally is specifically connected to rehearsals. Here are three that have been very helpful:

1) Invite suggestions. Rather than walking in with a fixed vision for a song, a service, or a ministry, I try to start with a really good idea and then hold it loosely. When someone says, "what if we all sing there?" or "what if the drums wait and come in here?" and I listen, perhaps try it, and then--if it is mostly as good as what I envisioned in my head--I choose their idea... well you know already, don't you? They feel heard, valued, and appreciated. You would too. I do too!

2) Say things the way they hear them. I've had to learn to be multi-lingual. Not so much Spanish, or French, or Swahili. But I try to speak in the language each person in the room can resonate with. For the music readers: measure numbers and other markings in the music. For by ear musicians: 2nd chorus or turnaround or bridge. For choir members who don't read music: I use word pictures. For the analytic among us, I use numbers (10% louder) etc.

2a) Say things the way they say things. I sometimes talk like I'm from the city... maybe a university town. I don't try to; it just comes out. But I need to learn to speak the language of the people I serve in more rural setting. So I try to listen to their words. Their phrases. The way they express themselves is the way they can best hear. So I try to sound like the best version of themselves when I talk. I wouldn't say I'm great at this, by the way. But the longer I try, the better I get. It's sort of the difference, for those of you M*A*S*H fans, between Hawkeye and Winchester.

3) Balance clear direction with flexible responsiveness. We walk into rehearsals with a thoughtful, clear plan. I use song maps for the worship songs. I put a rehearsal schedule on the whiteboard for the choir. There is clear structure and direction. But seldom does the rehearsal end with the vision unaffected. I suppose you could say we structure the flow, spur on the flow, and go with the flow.

And the flow is the people, not the music. That's what makes the rehearsal, well, relational.

I'd love to hear from you! How do you enhance relationships in rehearsals?