Still we need it.
I maintain there are (at least) 3 different kinds of intimacy, and keeping the borders strong between them can revolutionize your church-life: physical, emotional, and spiritual.
First, there's physical intimacy. This is reserved for romantic relationships. It is in degree, of course, from the brush of a shoulder to the marriage bed. When you're single, dating, exploring... you should experience some--but not all--physical intimacy. When you're married, still dating your spouse, and still exploring that one relationship... you should experience all physical intimacy. Keep the boundary strong between single and married rock solid. And if you're single, keep the boundary for yourself and your future spouse. (Hebrews 13:4)
Second, there's emotional intimacy. This exists at some level in all relationships, of course. This is a "feelings only" sort of intimacy. Those feelings can be platonic, like between siblings or parents and children. It can also be blazing fire, like between newlyweds or fighting friends. (Fighting is one of the most intimate things we do.) Emotional intimacy is powerful and, yes, dangerous. If you're married, keep emotional intimacy in check between you and anyone and everyone of the opposite sex. This doesn't mean you can't feel for someone, it just means that those feelings must continue to be defined by the relationship. You and I have feelings of compassion and care for friends who are women. But the boundary must be strong to keep the feelings there. When we sense that those feelings may be trying to test the boundaries... that's a red flag, waving strong. We have to be careful. Stir our affections for our wives again. Recognize that the spiritual attack of the enemy is involved. God has made a way out (1 Corinthians 10:13), and we MUST find it.
Third, there's spiritual intimacy. Sometimes this one feels like emotional intimacy. But never must it cross into physical intimacy. Spiritual intimacy is the only one of these three that can be shared between members of the same sex. In fact, it's often better that way! If I cultivate a spiritual friendship with another guy, like my friend Tog Goodson for example, it is easier to disclose battles, sins, victories, and discoveries without risking an emotional affair, or obviously, a physical one.
All three require vulnerability. And the vulnerability you demonstrate must be appropriate to the definition of the relationship. Be vulnerable with your friends... your fellow believers. But beware of how vulnerable you are with members of the opposite sex. It's a minefield. The mines are real. They can blow your life up. Your enemy hopes they will.
Here's the giant challenge: every time we avoid intimacy we invite distance. And so our spiritual connections remain minimal, which stunts our spiritual growth. The testimony of scripture, especially the New Testament, is overwhelming. We grow up into Christ better together. We wither spiritually when we are alone. (Hebrew 10:24-25) And loneliness is one of the greatest epidemics of our day.
And here's the giant hope. When God was far away, He came near in the person of Jesus Christ. And that Christ lives in you! (Colossians 1:27) There is hope. The one who demonstrated intimacy in astounding ways--in clear boundaries and self-giving love--is living Christ's life through you. You can trust others like Jesus trusted Peter, James, and John. And if you are betrayed by someone you trust, Jesus knows how that feels too. Judas was, after all, one of his twelve closest friends.
My encouragement to you today is two-fold. First, clarify and strengthen your boundaries. Second, pursue the right kind of intimacy within the right kind of relationships. You will be more like Jesus when you do. And your life will have a Jesus-shaped impact.
Intimacy isn't a dirty word at all. It's one of the most beautiful in the world!
No comments:
Post a Comment