How to Win Every Argument

This post is born out of regret and sorrow. More about that later.

I was raised in a family where dialogue and debate was welcome. My mother (82) and I still “argue” regularly on the phone. This is part of the way I am naturally inclined. 

Sort of like a cross between Fight Club and a college Forensics team, I have been raised to win every argument.

And I often do. Except in winning, I have actually lost.

You see, I’m convinced that the teaching of Jesus is that we should value being in right relationship over being right. I have failed at following His teaching 1,000 times. This year.

Maybe you all don’t share this struggle, but I suspect a few of you do.

Pick the argument — worship style, song choice, leadership decision.

Or the more mundane — supper menu, lunch location, TV remote.

If you win the argument but lose the relationship, you’ve lost.

I only know this because of how much damage control I (and those around me) have had to do when I win. Or, more accurately, when I lose.

The biggest regrets I have in the last 5 years — in fact, nearly every regret — has to do with winning the content and losing the relationship. I have been forgiven of the sin, but I still walk in the consequences. And my heart often breaks as I encounter those who have been pushed away by my need to be right.

I think I’m better than I’ve ever been at this, but—and this is key—I need to ask people around me. It’s seems a prime blind spot in my mirror distorted by pride. Perhaps, if this is a struggle for you, the battle would be better fought by bringing some people into your circle who will tell you the truth.

Here’s the bottom line:

The way to every argument is to walk away with a winning relationship.