Preventing Conflict

As sage pastor Max Lucado quipped,
"Conflict is inevitable. Combat is optional."

While conflict is indeed inevitable, we can do some things Christianly to minimize the likelihood of conflict. Much of this I have learned far later than I wished in my ministry, so I'm hopeful some of you younger leaders can benefit from my late-arriving wisdom. And in many ways, I still struggle. Just keeping it real.

Three keys, I think:

1) Do the right thing.
2) Do the right thing in the right way.
3) Do the right thing in the right way at the right time.

I didn't way it was earth shaking. Just helpful.

First, do the right thing. And honestly, if I don't do the right thing, I'd hope for conflict! Someone should care enough about us, about our ministries and our churches, more importantly about the kingdom of God and His reputation to get in our way when we do the wrong thing.

Sometimes you and I don't know we're doing the wrong thing until the right person steps in our way. This has beautiful and difficult implications for leadership. It means we can lead with humility because we admit we don't always know what the right thing is. It means we can welcome input from those we lead because they may know a right way that we've not yet discovered. This is just one reason team leadership is better than solo leadership. The wisdom writer nailed it:

Plans go wrong for lack of advice;

Many advisors bring success. 

(Prov. 15:22 NLT)

Second, do the right thing in the right way. This is probably where I messed up most in the first 15 years of ministry. There are processes in place for a reason. If I don't like them and disregard them, I should expect conflict. If you are frustrated by the committees (sometimes perceived as hoops to jump through) required to do the right thing in the right way, get some help from a key leader in your ministry. Otherwise it might needlessly cripple your effectiveness if you disregard the process.

I'm embarrassed that it was in the church that I was introduced to the phrase, "It's easier to ask forgiveness than permission." While I agree that it is usually easier, I can't seem to figure out how it is more Christian. Walk through the process in the right way. Ask permission. You will prevent a great deal of conflict, frustration, and even agony.

Third, do the right thing in the right way at the right time. This may be the most difficult of the three. Most of us who have been entrusted with a leadership position have gotten there because we usually do the right thing. Doing things the right way is simply a matter of choosing to do so. But doing things at the right time requires personal, spiritual, and cultural sensitivity.

Some questions that might serve your journey: Is it the right time for you, personally? Do you have the time? Have you allowed this "right thing" to adequately mature in your mind?

So how about you? What have you discovered that helps prevent unnecessary conflict?

Impressively Awful

I'm going to start with an embarrassing story.

One of the schools I attended got a new teacher a couple of years ago. I was meeting that teacher for the first time and really felt the need to make sure they understood just what a big deal I was.

I did say I'm embarrassed by this story, right?

So I started going on and on about the kind of church I'm in, the places I've been "blessed to serve," (I was trying to demonstrate impressive humility too) and the consulting I do, etc. etc. etc.

Blah. Blah. Blah.

I was working really hard to impress him.

And I'm not sure how severely affected by that encounter he was, but I was deeply affected.

I wanted to walk into the restroom and throw up.

Seriously. It was awful. I was hearing myself say these things and thinking... "what in the world am I doing?"

I am still embarrassed.

Perhaps you and I share this perspective: Not a single person who has tried to convince me how great they are has succeeded.

And here I was, on the other (gross) side of that dynamic.

I think this may have relevance to our role as worship leaders.

When you and I are on the platform (or in the booth) and trying to impress people with how great we are, we will fail. Every. Single. Time.

More than that, every time we impress people with how great we are, we are stealing greatness from God. This is sin. And I am a great big sinner in need of great big grace from a great big God.

Let me say it one more way: the more people are impressed with me, the less they will be impressed with God.

Maybe this is why I spend so much time in pre-service prayer times or post-rehearsal devotional times encouraging team members to be on guard, so we use every gifting we have to point to the Giver.

We must make much of Jesus, not of music. And certainly not of ourselves.

My hope is that people will not walk out of our worship gatherings talking about how good the music is, nor the musicians, nor the preacher. My dreams come true when they leave our service talking about how great God is.

Am I projecting this on to my team? Or do you struggle with this too? How have you successfully battled against the temptation to be impressive?

How Was the Gospel?

Larena was painting the interior of my pastor’s house. She is from Mexico so her English is sometimes awkward. One Sunday after our services, Pastor Tim walked into his home and was greeted with a broken English question expressed in a thick hispanic accent:

“How was the gospel this morning, pastor?"

When I heard that story, I wondered if hers may be a far better question than some of us ask after worship. So let me ask you, how was the gospel this Sunday in your church?

First, was it clear? If someone who had never heard the “good news” attended your church, did they hear it in the sermon? Did they sing it in your songs? (The gospel, I've learned, is more than the cross. It includes creation, fall, incarnation, crucifixion, resurrection and second coming.)

Second, was it compelling? The gospel isn’t the gospel unless it is good news. Again, our sin and the provision of forgiveness for that sin by the death of Jesus are elements of the gospel, but while we may think of it as the heart of it, that’s not the end of it. The gospel is good news: Forgiveness. Resurrection. Hope.

Third, was it communicated as a path to life change? The good news is for everyone. The addict can be set free. The marriage can be restored. The sinner can be saved. Life change doesn't happen--as you know--by will-power but by God's power. Gospel power.

Finally, how will you ensure the gospel is clear and compelling this Sunday? Will you use short scripture readings to connect the truths of the song lyrics to elements of God's glorious gospel?  Will there be a gospel-rich video serving as a transition piece? Will you, pastor, remember to include the gospel in your sermon? Will you, staff member or congregant, encourage your pastor to do the same? What about the more experiential elements of worship--directed prayer, communion, etc.?

I'm so curious: How does your church do this well? How have you seen it modeled that encourages you to be faithful to sing, preach, and experience the gospel in worship?